I'm Gonna Kill You!
by JinxedEtro
Summary: This story is about a Took who got dragged into an EPIC adventure with Bilbo. But someone caught her eye on the way, and she found out that he was the most majestic and annoying dude she had ever met. Enjoy :D Thorin/OC
1. Meren Took

**WARNING**: This fanfic is written by a girl that hasn't been practicing much. But this idea crept into her mind and she is now writing a fanfic at 2:00am in the morning. She even has EXAMS tomorrow! But she is going to write this no matter what!

* * *

It was a lovely morning in the Shire. Meren Took sat on top of the roof of her house and breathed in the scent of the fields. She lived with her mother since she was six, because her dad passed away when he got slayed by a wolf in the Old Forest.

Nothing happened since then. Every thing was quiet in her life until one unexpected night which happened to be _this _night.

She followed the special path that leads to Bag-end. She had a habit of visiting Bilbo every week since he needs her help every time they met.

The moonlight shone on her short but wavy crimson hair and showed her big gray shiny eyes and freckled face. She was not the prettiest hobbit, I can tell you that. But she has rosy cheeks and a cheerful face that will make you bouncy when you stare at her for too long.

_Hmmmmm. Bilbo's door has a strange mark on it, I wonder what It is..._ She wondered.

When she knocked on the door she waited for Bilbo's welcoming smile but she came face to face with a very frustrated hobbit

" Go AWAY! I don't want ANY more visitors today!" He said without looking at her. She coughed. Then Bilbo turned around and had this face O.O " Ren! You're always in time! You have to help me!" He pleaded.

She shook her head and said " What is it this time?" When Bilbo was going to answer when band of dwarfs were heading their way and Bilbo pulled her in and shut the round door.

She was very shocked when she saw four dwarfs in Bilbo's house. "Who are you people?" She asked.

They turned around when they heard a girl's voice and introduced themselves.

"What a fair maiden! Balin at your service." said a old looking dwarf "The name's Dwalin." said a dwarf covered in tattoos. " And I'm Fili and this is my brother Kili." A blonde dwarf pointed to a dark haired dwarf and bowed low.

Meren nodded slowly and said " Meren at yours."

When suddenly a sudden bursts of knocked where heard. Bilbo sighed heavily and shouted " There's NO ONE home! Go and bother someone else! I've got too many DWARFS in my house!"

Bilbo opened the door with such a force that the dwarfs behind it fell on to the ground.

A old wizard clad in gray said "Carefully now! It is not like you, Bilbo, to open the door like a pop-gun! Let me introduce Ori, Dori, Nori, Bifur,Bofur, Bombur, Oin and Gloin!"

The dwarfs struggled to get up, they end up needing Fili, Kili , Dwalin and Balin's help

* * *

The dwarfs were certainly the loudest bunch of creatures that she had ever been with. They ate loudly, The drank loudly, They sang loudly and they even burped loudly.

After what seems like a lifetime of partying, A loud knock sounded on the door.

They all gone quiet.

"He's here."

"Well someone is a party pooper." Meren muttered.


	2. NO!

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I fell very weird today. Ah well, here's another chappy! Sorry if Thorin is too rude in here!

* * *

KNOCK! Came the loud knock.

Gandalf shushed everybody and walked slowly to the door as if it would ponce on him.

The door opened slowly... and it feels like a song was playing in my head _**now the party don't start till I walk in...** "_Gandalf." said a deep and manly voice and Meren thought that he was going to be all crazy like the other dwarfs. That majestic dwarf stared at Bilbo and asked " Is this the burglar?"

"What BURGLAR? I'm not a burglar! Do I look like a burglar to you? I take that as very offensive, dwarf!" Bilbo practically bursted in front of that damn majestic dude.

Bilbo could've went on if Gandalf didn't interrupt him. "AHEM! Let me introduce Thorin, the leader of the company! Bilbo Baggins and Meren Took the burglars!"

_WHAT?!_ Meren screamed in her mind. "Burlar? He looks like a grocer to me. And that girl acts like his slave." Meren gaped at him and wondered if she should punch him or kill him with her awesome knifes.

At the end, She didn't do any but she talked back "Well you don't look any better, Mr. I'm Perfect!" He turned around to face her, and said "You can't talk back to me, girl." "Why?" " Because I'm the king under the mountains and the best warrior anyone could be."

"Well maybe you are a king and a warrior but don't underestimate hobbits, they could steal your very crown and you won't even notice." Meren hissed back.

They glared at each other until Gandalf broke the thick and uncomfortable silence.

"Well then! You've got to know each other. Let's get down to business!"

The dwarfs shuffled to the living room as if they owned the place. Bilbo face-palmed himself and spoke "What would I do with my kitchen?" Meren put her hand on her hips and talked "I don't like THAT dwarf, he couldn't be a king, he's too rude to be one."

We followed them to the living room helplessly and began to listen to Gandalf's voice.

He talked about something like a kingdom, a dragon ,a door, a key and moon-runes. To be honest I've always wanted to slay dragons like hero's do in fairy tales (except that they're mostly boys ) and I've always wanted to learn other languages.

When I was deep in thought. A contract stuck up in front of my face. I took it and paled when I saw that this isn't just a fairy tale, I'm really going to slay a dragon!

Bilbo doesn't seem to be wanting to go, he paced back and forth and I asked "Are you okay? Mister Baggins?" He replied with a short answer "No." then fainted.

The warm fire woke Bilbo up again and he was still considering. But the last answer was "No. I'm not going."

The dwarfs sighed then began to leave to house. Bilbo looked a little bit guilty since he turned down the cheerful bunch of dwarfs (except Thorin)

* * *

Meren went home after they left. She walked back home and her mom laid on the bed looking as pale as a ghost. Meren ran to her mother's side and panicked when she saw that her mom got bitten by a very poisonous bee. She ran out to get some medicine when her mom caught her by the hand.

She coughed "Don't save me, my child. Go with the dwarfs. Something is waiting for you on the way there." _How did she know? _Meren thought and said "I could never leave you, mama"

Then dashed to the doctor that she always visited when her mom felt unwell "My mom is ill! She got bitten by a Green Bee! Please save her!"

The doctor shot out of his chair and followed Meren through the fields and into her house.

Her mother was getting paler and paler. The doctor used some tube thing to suck out the poison and checked if her heart was still beating (Green Bee poison tend to stop the heart from beating first) but it was to late.

This time, Meren really lost everything. She wept all night and Bilbo was kind enough to bring her in.

She remembered her mothers last words "_Go with the dwarfs. Somthing is waiting for you on the way there" _She decided that she was going with the dwarfs no matter how annoying Thorin is. She was going to do this for her mom.

* * *

YAY! Longest chappy I have ever wrote! Special thanks to **wolfhawk99!**


	3. Adventures FTW

Meren woke up when Bilbo called her name. She brushed her teeth, washed her face and ate her breakfast.

After her morning routine, she searched the house for dwarfs but the place was dwarf-less and spotless. Bilbo was gaping when he saw how clean his house was (especially after a dwarf party)

Meren was going to tell Bilbo that she had to catch up with the dwarfs to fulfill her mother's last words. But before she could say anything, Bilbo asked "Meren, do you want to go on an adventure? With the dwarfs I mean."

She stared at him in surprise then said "Bilbo, are you sure? Because if you are, then my answer is YES!"

Bilbo held out their contracts and we signed them together. "Do you think that we can catch up?" Bilbo asked. "If we run we just might!" she replied.

They packed their things as if their life depends on it and ran out of the door. But before the running Meren grabbed Bilbo's pocket handkerchief that he brings all the time just before she stepped out of the door.

They ran through the fields of flowers and jumped over fences. Other hobbits stared at them as if they were crazy but the doctor gave Meren a knowing smile and a wink. She grinned back and continued running with Bilbo right behind her.

"They must have reached the forest by now,we have to be careful, wolves lurk there." she warned. Bilbo nodded worriedly "Don't worry! I'll save you when you get in trouble!" she gave him a reassuring smile. "My hero! What ever would I do without you?" He laughed.

* * *

They puffed and panted all the way until they saw Gandalf's pointed hat.

"Gandalf! Gandalf! Wait for US!" we shouted together. We gave the contract to Balin and he said "Welcome to Thorin and company!" Meren would have bowed but she was busy having a glaring contest with Thorin and they were throwing insults at each other the second they met.

"Give them a pony." Thorin said while glaring at Meren. Even when she was climbing on the pony they were still glaring!

Gandalf shook his head and muttered "This is going to be a long and tiring journey."

* * *

They were riding the ponies for hours. Then to make matters worse it started raining. I heard Bilbo sneeze behind me "We have to turn back!" Everyone asked "Why?" "I forgot my handkerchief!" He sighed.

"Mister Bilbo, what would you do without me indeed!" Meren chuckled while handing the handkerchief back to it's rightful owner.

" O thank you a thousand times, Meren!" he exclaimed.

* * *

Later on, They found a small hut and decided to camp there since it was not occupied, but Gandalf was against this idea and got into an argument with Thorin.

"O the stubbornness of dwarves is going to be the end of me someday!" Gandalf grumbled. "Gandalf! Where are you off to?" Meren asked but Gandalf didn't answer and kept muttering to himself. Meren pouted and decided to talk to Thorin about what happened.

"Thorin!" she called but he ignored her and kept ordering dwarves around "Typical Thorin" she sighed to herself.

She went to help Dori cook supper after poking Thorin a thousand times and he still wouldn't answer her questions!

She finished mixing the stew and told Bilbo the bring some to Fili and Kili.

After that, she walked to a small lake and started washing the dishes and saw her reflection on the clear water. Her hair was messier than ever (and that's saying a lot) and her bags under her eyes were getting bigger. _What a sight! _she thought.

When suddenly a wolf's reflection appeared next to her's she jumped up and took out her knives . The wolf growled and then ponced on her, she kicked it off and karate punched it. It fell down but jumped on her again when it touched the ground. This time she step swiftly out of it's reach so it fell into the river and drowned. _Well that's a deep river!_ She exclaimed in her head.

When she got back to the camp the dwaves where searching frantically for her, even Thorin looked worried!

She smiled her evil smile and crept up behind him and quickly put her knife in front of his throat. "What's this! A king caught off guard?" She laughed. The dwarves gasped in surprise when their captain really WAS caught off guard!

"Get the knife away." He ordered. " Where did the 'please' go?" she said playfully. He swallowed his pride and said "Please." She took her knife away and the band of dwarves laughed out loud without thinking and Thorin's face gone red with embarrassment and anger.

Just when he was going to burst Kili came into the scene and said "The trolls got Bilbo!"

"You're gonna pay for that and pay dearly you shall." Thorin whispered evilly into Meren's ears. Even she got a little scared but said "Try your best"

* * *

:DDDDDDDDDDDD


	4. Trolls!

Sorry guys! I was reaaally busy this month! D: But here's a new chapter! Enjoy! P.S I changed Meren's perspective to my perspective (because I found it easier to write!)

* * *

Oh no.

A troll sneezed out Bilbo. Ewwwwwww... I could go on but that just makes me sound girly

I looked at Kili and nodded. He burst into the troll camp and yelled "Drop him!" The trolls laughed at him "What did u say, puny?" Kili used his most majestic voice "I said. Drop. Him"

Then the band of dwarfs rushed in and started stabbing those mutated giants.

I caught Bilbo, and we both exchanged quick glances o relief, but a neigh from Minty gor Bilbo running to his horse's rescue.

The dwarfs work so well together, as if they knew every move their companions would make. I quickly ran into the battlefield too, since I don't want to be left out.

I slashed and stabbed every huge smelly feet I encounter, but the trolls doesn't seem to feel any sort of pain. They played with us, as if we we're toys. Then they got bored.

One of those trolls caught Bilbo and held on to both of the poor hobbit's arms. "Stop! And put down yer arms, or I'll pull out his!"

We all looked at Thorin. Oh please! Do you guys even need to think! Put down your stupid weapons! My inner-self screamed. Then Thorin finally threw down his elvish weapons then the others followed.

* * *

A few minutes later, I found myself wrapped in a big sack. Then I saw dwarfs being roasted slowly by the trolls. The worse thing is...I'm now lying on top of Thorin.

I wriggled around, obviously trying to get away from that majestic dude. He glared at me then I kicked him. Hard.

When we were having a glaring contest. The trolls were discussing on how to cook us. Bilbo can't seem to take it anymore because he bounced upright and yelled at the trolls "No! You don't cook dwarfs like that!"

The trolls gave him a confused look, then asked "What do you suggest we do then?" "Erm...the best way to cook dwarfs is to..." He trailed off. Then a heavy tension appeared. The dwarfs stared at Bilbo with 'o' shaped mouths.

Then he continued "is to...skin them first!" And of course, the dwarfs all yelled at Bilbo and called him a traitor.

"Be quiet! Yer noisy lot!" One of the trolls bellowed. "Meh! He doesn't know how to cook dwarfs at all! I prefer them raw!" Another troll said then it reached down and picked up Gloin by the end of his sack.

When it was about to chew the terrified dwarf to death, Bilbo exclaimed "No! Not that one! He's got...Parasites! In his...tubes. In fact! All of then do! A terrible business, I wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."

Then Dori had to say "Parasites! We've got no Parasites! You've got Parasites!" Then the whole bunch of dwarfs all protested. I could even feel Bilbo roll his eyes. But before I could tell every one to shut up, Thorin kicked Kili, signaling every one to be quiet, or he'll kill them with his majestic face.

Then suddenly a loud voice said "Dawn take you all, and be stone with you!" A bright light appeared and burnt our eyes. We all turned away. But when we turned back, the trolls were turned to stone.

Gandalf untied all of us, then Thorin asked "Where did you go, if I may ask?" Gandalf replied "To look ahead." And why did you come back?" "Looking behind." Gandalf smiled, Then we all smiled. (I just LOVE that line)

"Anyhow you are wasting time now. Don't you realize that the trolls must have a cave or hole dug somewhere near to hide from the sun in? We must look into it!" Said Gandalf.

* * *

We searched about, and soon we found marks of troll feet leading into the trees. We followed the tracks up the hill, then we found a big entrance! We covered our noses the second we stepped into the cave "What's that smell!" Every one exclaimed. It was so revolting that I could have vomited onto the oh-so-majestic king. That would have been the most funniest thing that had ever happened in the world. But I have my dignity!

Among all the troll junk, there was a beautifully carved double blade. It seemed to drag me to it, when I grasped it with my hands I felt much stronger, as if I was meant to find them. Gandalf somewhere in the background smiled knowingly.

Then Thorin told everyone to go out and breathe in the fresh air, since the smell was going to kill us all if we don't leave soon.

* * *

I just love double swords :D


End file.
